Just a few months ago I was being held hostage by my monthly planner. My table was littered with to do lists, the laptop powered on with multiple web pages opened, my planner laying strategically where I could see it with due dates highlighted and in bold. Just a few months ago if you asked me how I was doing, I may have paused momentarily from checking my inbox with one hand and writing with another. I would have tried to hide the irritation in my voice because you stopped me from multitasking and say, “I’m doing great.” I would have looked straight at your face, but I would have never truly seen you. Because I wasn’t there in that moment, enjoying a conversation between two people. I was somewhere else in my brain saying “Finish that paper, take that test, send out those invitations, clean the kitchen.” Just a few months ago, I had the thought, that life wasn’t always a constant limbo of tasks. So why was I forcing myself to complete each task habitually, just to wake up and repeat it the next day? I was on autopilot, in a constant state of the driven doing mode. I held the irrational belief that if I just kept working towards the task I would survive, meet my goals, and be content. However, while I was busy striving I also forgot what it felt like to live life exquisitely.
Just a few months ago I stepped inside a yoga studio to practice mindfulness meditation. I signed up for an eight week course where I dedicated every Saturday to meditation practices. It just so happened that I signed up for mindfulness meditation the same semester that I was student teaching. To my surprise, what was supposed to be the most stressful part of my teaching career has actually been the most enjoyable. Mindfulness meditation has taught me to live in the present moment, to accept the things in life that I can’t change, and to trust my own intuition again. I know that I exude confidence in the classroom because of the skills I have gained through mindfulness meditation. I am now midway through my student teaching career and I think about how the old me would have cluttered this amazing experience with worriment and panic. I
look around my environment every day and feel gratitude. Mindfulness meditation has taught me to enjoy things again almost in a childlike manner. Such as the pure bliss of chocolate, taking a walk, the beauty of a sunset, or the excitement of reading a book. I take part in activities that nourish me again, when before I use to cast them away because I was too busy working. I have found the time to paint, draw, and bake because mindfulness meditation has brought back my creativity and mental focus. I feel more readily able to communicate with loved ones which in return, has made my relationships stronger. Most importantly, I view each day as a gift to honor myself and others with compassion. My days are no longer spent following rituals to complete tasks just to wake up and repeat the cycle. It feels as though every day I discover something new to love again, and really that is what life is all about. Just a few months ago I was a different person. This journey has allowed me to not only grow but to flourish and I will always be appreciative for that. -Georgi Ferek
